


It's Going to be Okay

by DarkAliceLilith



Series: trans bingo [3]
Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: M/M, Needles, Pre-Relationship, Trans Male Character, Trans Richie Tozier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:02:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23028253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAliceLilith/pseuds/DarkAliceLilith
Summary: “I do shots just fine and can get my blood drawn with no problem, but I can’t poke myself with a fucking needle?”
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Richie Tozier
Series: trans bingo [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1561723
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	It's Going to be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> For the [Trans bingo](https://transbingo.dreamwidth.org/) prompt: hormones.
> 
> I am pretty nervous posting this. I usually only ever write characters I personally headcanon as trans, but I saw a couple of trans Richie things and it inspired me to write this.

Ben walked up the steps of the Tozier’s house, hearing the music blasting from Richie’s room. He had hurried over as quickly as he could when Richie called him, sounding distressed. He didn’t know what was wrong, but Richie had said he needed help and that was all Ben needed to hear.

Knowing Richie wouldn’t be able to hear him over the music, he opened the door to see Richie on the bed with his pants off, his face in his hands and a box sitting in front of him with a needle. Ben understood now why Richie had called him.

He sat down on the bed and placed a hand on Richie’s shoulder. Richie looked up at him, his eyes red from crying. Ben frowned and reached over to turn off the radio before wrapping his arms around Richie and holding him tight.

“I-I can’t do it,” Richie said. “I thought I could do it, but I can’t!”

“What do you mean you can’t do it? Are you having second thoughts about this?”

Richie shook his head. “No. I just-I can’t inject myself! They showed me how, but I can’t-I can’t do it myself.” He let out a shaky breath. “Mom offered to help before she went to work, but I thought I could do it myself, but then I got that fucking needle out and I just…” he trailed off, hiding his face against Ben’s neck, mumbling something Ben couldn’t quite make out. 

Ben just held him, rubbing his back gently. “You want me to help you then?” Richie gave a nod and Ben said, “Alright, but first I think you need to just relax. I think you’ve gotten yourself too worked up.”

Richie sat back, wiping at his eyes and fixing his glasses. “Okay.” He took a couple of deep breaths. “It’s a big fucking needle.”

Ben looked at the box and the needle, which lay there still uncapped. He carefully moved them to the nightstand so neither of them got accidentally stabbed. “I don’t know how to do this, Rich, so you’re going to have to walk me through it so I can help you.”

“It’s drawn out already,” Richie said. “I managed to get that far, and I cleaned the area here.” He touched part of his thigh to show Ben. “We’ll have to rewipe it though.”

“Might need a new needle too if that one has been sitting out.”

Richie nodded, looking pale as he glanced at the nightstand. “There’s more and the medicine is in the box.”

“Rich, you don’t look so good.”

“I don’t feel so great either.”

Ben grabbed Richie’s pants off the floor and held them out to him. “How about we go eat something and then we’ll work on this. I think that you’re still too worked up.”

“Wanna go get milkshakes?” Richie asked, yanking his pants on. 

Ben nodded. “Yeah. That sounds like a great idea.” He started to get up and spotted the container for needles and slid the one on the nightstand into it. “We’ll draw up a new one when we get back.”

“It’s stupid that I can’t do this. It’s just a needle,” Richie said as they made their way out of the house. The milkshake shop wasn’t too far and it was a nice day so they decided to walk. “I do shots just fine and can get my blood drawn with no problem, but I can’t poke myself with a fucking needle?”

Ben reached out to take Richie’s hand, threading their fingers together and giving Richie’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I think you’re just nervous. You haven’t actually done it yourself, you’ve only ever watched it happen. I’m sure once you finally do it, you won’t have any issues.”

Richie sighed, looking down at their joined hands for a long moment. “Yeah,” He said, softly. “Maybe.”

They made it to the diner and took a seat at the counter, waiting for the waitress to come over. Richie kicked his feet as he waited, looking distant. Ben leaned over, giving his shoulder a bump. “Hey,” He said. “It’s going to be okay.”

Richie just gave him a sad smile before accepting the menu from the waitress. They ordered burgers and shakes, Richie barely picking at any of the food. “Ben,” He said after a few minutes. “What if I never get over it? What if I can’t do it?”

“I think that if you continue to think like that, then you are never going to,” Ben answered. “I’ll help you and we’ll get you through it together, okay?” He placed his hand over Richie’s. “Your shake is melting, you should try and drink it.”

Richie grabbed his shake, taking a sip before grabbing a fry and taking a bite. Satisfied that Richie was finally going to eat, Ben went back to his own burger, waiting patiently for Richie to finish. He paid for both of them, even though Richie protested, and then went back to Richie’s house.

Richie stopped on the front step, tensing up as he looked at the door. Ben placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay, Rich,” Ben said, rubbing his shoulder gently. “I promise.”

Richie took a deep breath and opened the front door. He was nervous as they walked up to his bedroom, yanking off his pants and fidgeting as he sat on the bed. Ben got to work prepping everything, drawing up a new needle and letting Richie show him where to place it again. 

He wiped down the area and looked up at Richie, not even touching the needle. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“We’ll do it together, alright?” Ben said. “I’ll guide you.”

Richie nodded and Ben picked up the needle, carefully handing it over. Richie’s hands shook as he took it and Ben placed his hand over Richie’s to steady him. His other hand went to Richie’s thigh, pinching the area. He looked up at Richie. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” Richie said, his voice shaky and his leg tensing up. “Let’s just get this over with already.”

“Rich, relax,” Ben said, his thumb rubbing against Richie’s thigh. “This will go easier if you’re not tense. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I can’t help it. I’m nervous.”

“Close your eyes,” Ben said, his voice soft. Richie complied and Ben continued to speak. “Okay, take a deep breath and slowly exhale, it’ll help.” Once Richie did, Ben said, “Now, think about what this shot means to you. Think about what it’s going to help you achieve. Can you do that?”

Richie nodded, breathing out a, “Yes.”

Ben gently rubbed Richie’s thigh again with his thumb. “Okay. Take another deep breath and open your eyes, Rich.” Richie did so and opened his eyes, looking visibly more relaxed and Ben could feel Richie’s leg become less tense. Ben smiled at Richie. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.”

“Good. Think you can do this now?”

Richie looked down at the needle, taking another deep breath and nodding. He didn’t tense up this time, though he still looked a little scared. “Yeah, I think so.”

Ben pinched the area again and led Richie’s hand down. “Fast or slow?”

“Slow, I think,” Richie said. He shook his head. “I want to go fast but I don’t think we should. Holy shit, that whole thing has to go in my leg, I-”

“Rich,” Ben interrupted. “Take a deep breath, you're working yourself up again.”

Richie did and he nodded. “Okay. Okay. I’m good. Let’s do this.”

The needle went in and Richie let out a breath. “Fuck.” 

They made sure there was no blood, then slowly dispensed the testosterone. Ben took care of the needle then grabbed the band aids nearby, placing a Rugrats band aid over the spot before smiling up at Richie. “See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Richie smiled back. “No.” The look on Richie’s face changed for a moment, flickering to something that made Ben’s heart flutter before Richie was pulling Ben in for a tight hug. “Thank you, Haystack.”

Ben returned the embrace, hugging him just as tight. “No problem.” They hugged for a few more minutes before Ben pulled back, brushing some hair out of Richie’s face and smiling at him again. “How are you feeling?”

“Great,” Richie answered. “Can’t believe I was scared of that. It wasn’t so bad.”

“Think you can do it by yourself now?”

“Maybe? I-I think it was easier cause you were here.”

“I can be here next time too, if you want.”

Richie nodded. “Yeah, I think I would like that. You uh-you wanna play some Mario?”

“Sure.”

Richie smiled and jumped up, pulling his pants back on and turning on his TV. He sat down in front of it, grabbing his Nintendo controllers, handing one over to Ben as he sat down next to him. As they played, they found themselves scooting closer together. They grew tired of playing after a while and threw on a movie, before passing out together on the floor. 

Maggie found them curled up together when she got home and instead of waking them, threw a blanket over them and called Ben’s mom to make sure she knew he was going to be staying the night.


End file.
